


A Shadow of a Doubt

by SS_Chaos_Sauce



Category: BomBARDed (Podcast)
Genre: Angst to Fluff, Merry Christmas and happy candlenights
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-26 16:23:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17145104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SS_Chaos_Sauce/pseuds/SS_Chaos_Sauce
Summary: Raz’ul can’t meet his eyes in the mirror anymore. He needs a little help from his friends.





	A Shadow of a Doubt

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ladybug114](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladybug114/gifts).



> I wrote this a present to my friend Laura. Merry Christmas, Laura! Hope you enjoy, I tried not to make it to angsty.

Raz’ul grew up with everything, money, food, shelter, two parents that tolerated him (mostly). He felt guilt about not sharing his childhood with Randy and Yashee, especially when Yashee talked about growing up without her mom, or when Randy would open up about going without food. His days of lavish princehood were behind him, he knew that in the here and now he had no loving parents, like Yashee, and no happy family moments, like Randy. There was a voice in his head that constantly reminded him of these differences, and it spoke in King Daz’ul’s voice.

“ _Worthless. That’s what you are, boy. You were a worthless son, a worthless prince, and now you’re a worthless band mate.”_

“ _You’re never going to be more than a filthy thief, Razzberry, A thief and a liar.”_

“ _Stop your sniveling, son, it’s unprincely.”_

Some mornings he would look in the mirror and see the spitting image of his father. Prince Raz’ul, pathetic. He was soft, too soft to be a king, too soft to be a warrior. But he was too hard to be a good druid. He stared into his father’s eyes and saw his own dissatisfaction and disappointment reflected back. Raz’ul struggled to believe in himself. How was he supposed to act strong when he feel so weak? Most days the only thing that convinced him to leave his room was the sounds of Yashee and Randy laughing and talking. They were the shoulders he leaned on when he struggled to stand, they were his anchors. Raz’ul needed to get up, to join the others, to stop wallowing in self pity. _One step at a time Raz’ul, one step at a time._

 

He pulled himself into a sitting position just as he heard a knock on his door. It opened and Yashee stuck her smiling head in.

“Morning! Splash is making pancakes so you better get up!”

“Thanks Yashee, I’ll be down in a minute.” Raz’ul climbed out of bed as Yashee shut the door. He sat at his vanity and tried to forget the fact that he had his father’s eyes. He pulled his hair up into a messy bun and took a moment to brush his beard. Presentable, he got dressed and went down to breakfast.

“—Yeah, they’re not such a big thing in orc culture.” Yashee punctuated her sentence with a small shrug before spearing a pancake of the platter in front of her, and plopping it on her plate.

“Good morning, Raz’ul, Yashee was just telling us that her birthday is coming up, but she doesn’t have any plans yet.” Splash stood over the stove, a paper chefs hat perched delicately over his velvet cap. He flipped a pancake on to a fresh plate and handed it to Raz’ul.

“Yeah, but really, it’s no big deal after we turn 14. Once you’re an adult, birthdays don’t mean anything. What about you, Randy? Any good Greentree birthday traditions?” Yashee talked around a mouthful of pancake. Randy pushed his pancake awkwardly around his plate and mumbled.

“Well, actually, I’m not sure I remember my birthday is anymore. Last time I celebrated I was 7? I think? But that was a long time ago.” He shrugged and went quiet.

“Oh. I’m sorry about that Randy.” Symbol flipped another pancake. They all sat in silence for a minute until Raz’ul cleared his throat.

“If y’all want, I could throw you a dwarven birthday. We go all out, plus my birthday is soon as well. We could share, I wouldn’t mind.”

“Yeah! Randy, what’d ya think?” Randy perked up.

“Sure, That sounds fun.”

 

Raz’ul spent the next week secluded in his room, preparing for the joint party. They had picked a date between Raz’ul and Yashee’s birthdays to celebrate, on that day Raz’ul kicked Yashee and Randy our if the house early in the morning with explicit instructions not to return until 6 that evening.

First was the cake. He had asked and serenaded Alto into making a three tier, three flavor cake. The bottom was chocolate, Yashee’s favorite, then Raz’ul’s favorite, spice rum cake, and the top tier was lemon. The frosting was vanilla buttercream in a swirling rainbow. All in all it was an eclectic, chaotic cake, and it was absolutely perfect. Raz’ul had also sung his way into a buffet of their favorite foods, waffles, beignets, tusk soup, and many others.

Next, Raz’ul gathered their friends and associates to help set up. Tabitha came easily, followed by Ilda. Gareth was bribed into helping with a grilled cheese sandwich and the promise of cake. Symbol brought along Mitch, who brought along Christiana Blackblade, the Northstars teacher. The six of them helped Raz’ul decorate with the ornate paper crafts he’d spent a week creating.

The final step was presents. Raz’ul had gotten a set of new mallet heads for Yashee, and a set of whetstone for Randy. He wrapped them carefully and placed them on the small card tables they’d set up for each bard. The tables had 10 or so presents each, one from each guest, plus a few extra from their teacher.

 

The clock struck 6 and Yashee burst through the door, Randy on her shoulders. The hall was decorated in the traditional dwarven way, light paper streamers gilded the rafters, paper animals danced from the ceiling, the lamps below them casted dancing shadows on the ceiling. Golden stones and crystal lined the edges of the rooms, causing the whole place to glitter and glow. It was magical. There was dancing, and singing, and music, and eating, and presents, and tears, and laughter. The party lasted through the night and into the morning. By then most of the guests had bid them goodnight, but Symbol, Mitch, and the three bards talked and talked and talked, telling stories and jokes, and singing songs from their pasts.

For the night, Raz’ul’s worries melted away. He did not think of his doubts, or his regrets. His fears were overshadowed by the shadows of the paper animals. And they stayed overshadowed. While his anxieties did not disappear, and he still loathed his father’s face in his mirror, he felt stronger and more loved than he’d ever had at home. He felt now that he would be okay someday. Maybe he wouldn’t shake his old fears immediately, but one day, with the help of his friends.

**Author's Note:**

> Ilyall, Hope y’all have a merry Christmas, a happy candlenights, and a happy new year!


End file.
